:/

today i broke down again, when i read all my fb posts by him. it made me feel once again that this breakup, was so so unreal and undeserving. i teared. i asked God why. asked God to put him back ito my life. i ask myself if i can ever accept a guy like him again. my answer is i dont know but i love him very much and only he can make me whole again and take away my pain.

i miss him so bad. 3 days of not crying and poom. tears... i guess i cry only becos im very affected. thinking back yea the way i treate others was heartless, and now i finally felt it, the pain.. but at least, i didnt paint a perfect future and got lost in love w any guy i broke up with. nvr want them to move to fast n far if i couldnt give them what they wanted from me.. love.

went for a swim today. 10 laps. thought i would feel better after, but it was a short lived sensational mood. i cant run away from reality any longer. its become a fact. he has said he moved on. so what am i doing dumb bell??

i keep thinking, he must have his reasons and i cant come to terms w the reason he doesnt love me anymore. i just cant. God pls tell me this isnt true. if i see him face to face, would he put his arms ard me again??? that moment at nus. i know he did love me.. sure felt like it anyway.. he is scared to meet me cos he is scared to give in to his feelings that he is running from.

now i pray...

dear lord, jesus, god, holy spirit. i come here, calling out ur name, to ask for ur grace. i know that ive not been the best disciple, i know ive sinned. but lord, u know my heart has always been true to u. and this day i pray and ask that u will return dzl to me, to lead this life on earth together. lord u sent me that angel. to love me here on this earth. i love him so dear, i pray for that everlasting love, and i pray that very soon u will return him to my side. and i assure u, i will cherish the love. lord its so pain. i cant move on, really cant without him. u know when i give love... i give my all... and its hurting bcos of what ive put in. i want him in my life and lord i pray u will provide. you told us, present ur requests by prayer n petition before you.. and here i am, even on this short life on earth, dun take him away.. i want no other besides him. pls lord hear my crys.. see my tears feel my pain. and i ask all these in jesus name, amen.