if you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it’s yours forever; if it doesn’t it never was

i will believe in this. you told me today, if i really love you.. to let you go. i will, because i really love you...

something for you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmuqORloBJw&feature=relmfu

may God bless the broken road, that leads me back to you

i haven't written here for 16 days. reason being, i wanted to give up on us, wanted to give up on everything we had. but today i realised, after talking to you on the phone... i understand where u are coming from, i know that you havent stopped loving me, although your words may sound like you have moved on, i know you just dont want to go back to the things you felt couldn't be solved. but hey you know what? ive been reading and i read that there is no problem that cant be solved between 2 ppl. thus i will let time and maturity solve these for us, with prayer and petition everyday.. we will get through this and emerge stronger. i also realised, there's much more to experience as a young girl, and you are right that relationships may not take priority now. but i will wait here patiently, even though it is not to my advantage, i can honestly say deep within, that i'd rather be single and not married for the rest of my life, if i cant be with you one day. thats how deep my love is, and thats how i can prove that you can place ur trust in me.

i write this blog because i care, because i dont want you to be missing out on the time of my life when u arent around. you may think im stupid, i may be hurting myself, but i guess.. love knows no boundaries, love knows no limits, love is.. everlasting... just that i will be missing out on urs... hopefully not for long.

today, i went out with my friends for lunch at princep street, wanton mee. and i drank suan mei sui. they celebrated my advance bdae, tog with my other friend, as we never know when we can meet again. lol. we went to play at minds cafe there after.. for 4 hrs, and went to eat at some steak place near SMU. had a fun day, i really appreciate my friends for being who they are, helping me get along with my life...

just smth that happened. may not be v detailed cos im also tired. and never know whether u will ever read this.

u always have that place in my heart.

may God bless the broken road... that leads me back to you someday.

i have faith, hope you do too.

grace

His grace is sufficient for me. Even in the worst times.. he is always there.. through trials and tribulation.

We go through these trials so that we will realise we dont have a foothold on this planet earth. we are not clinged tightly to this temporary world. God gives us these experiences to make us stronger and to look to him for his help, his grace.

the message today was perfect, and so was the song. with this, i will not dwell on my past anymore.. from today onwards. 14/8. no more tears, no more hurt, because i lift all my fears my pain my hurt up to the heavens, into God's precious hands, and he will transform it, into something much more beautiful.

I love God. and there's one thing i really love. God does not get angry with us for not putting him as a priority always when we should. yet, when we need help and we call, he will be right there waiting for us. im so touched. another precious thing i learnt. you never know.. argh what is it.. u will never know how to treasure God, until the point you know, he is all you've got. this is where i am right now. i finally figured.. who in this world will really care and love me... its only my God, all i have is you lord. the world the ppl. they dont really care. they dont know how im feeling ultimately.

you are all i have, and i thank you for being here with me.

1. be joyful even in trials

2. Ask God for his wisdom to help u overcome

3. Remember where our home is. this earth is just temporary. we all wanna go home.

4. We are all looking for the perfect moment.. without realising. its just a moment in time.

And yea... with this.. i seek closure. hopefully. God be with me.

:/

today i broke down again, when i read all my fb posts by him. it made me feel once again that this breakup, was so so unreal and undeserving. i teared. i asked God why. asked God to put him back ito my life. i ask myself if i can ever accept a guy like him again. my answer is i dont know but i love him very much and only he can make me whole again and take away my pain.

i miss him so bad. 3 days of not crying and poom. tears... i guess i cry only becos im very affected. thinking back yea the way i treate others was heartless, and now i finally felt it, the pain.. but at least, i didnt paint a perfect future and got lost in love w any guy i broke up with. nvr want them to move to fast n far if i couldnt give them what they wanted from me.. love.

went for a swim today. 10 laps. thought i would feel better after, but it was a short lived sensational mood. i cant run away from reality any longer. its become a fact. he has said he moved on. so what am i doing dumb bell??

i keep thinking, he must have his reasons and i cant come to terms w the reason he doesnt love me anymore. i just cant. God pls tell me this isnt true. if i see him face to face, would he put his arms ard me again??? that moment at nus. i know he did love me.. sure felt like it anyway.. he is scared to meet me cos he is scared to give in to his feelings that he is running from.

now i pray...

dear lord, jesus, god, holy spirit. i come here, calling out ur name, to ask for ur grace. i know that ive not been the best disciple, i know ive sinned. but lord, u know my heart has always been true to u. and this day i pray and ask that u will return dzl to me, to lead this life on earth together. lord u sent me that angel. to love me here on this earth. i love him so dear, i pray for that everlasting love, and i pray that very soon u will return him to my side. and i assure u, i will cherish the love. lord its so pain. i cant move on, really cant without him. u know when i give love... i give my all... and its hurting bcos of what ive put in. i want him in my life and lord i pray u will provide. you told us, present ur requests by prayer n petition before you.. and here i am, even on this short life on earth, dun take him away.. i want no other besides him. pls lord hear my crys.. see my tears feel my pain. and i ask all these in jesus name, amen.

decided to write down a list of things to remember in my next relationship (if ever) becos i dont want the same to happen again. i want to make love and i want to make love last.

1. Things to find out before holding hands, or kissing.

- What are your priorities in life? does it include getting married and having a family? can u balance work and family? i dont want to live in a big house. i just wanna be simple and happy with the one i love. thats what i need.

2. Must MUST be friends for at least 6 mths before holding hands, 9 mths before kissing. TAKE THINGS SLOW. and no !!

3. No bringing guy home until at least 1 yr tog. DO NOT GO TO HIS HOUSE ALSO.

4. he must go to church on a regular basis and love god deeply.

5. Try to read in btw the lines and if he ever lies to you, seriously, i think u shud forget him if the lies are pretty extreme.

6. DO NOT Believe their sweet nothings. trust me on this. a guy never means what he says.. esp at the start. if married, then maybe different thing.

7. DO NOT date younger guys. they are too immature and are at a different phase in life to understand.

8. If any guy breaks ur heart or want a sudden breakup, GIVE UP ON HIM cos he is not worth ur love and dun ever take him back or feel needy or sms him.

9. IF the guy is not worth it, please give him up from the start. if he starts focusing on himself and not you..

10. pls dont get so tied up in love. play hard to get. dont give him everything easy. let him chase and understand him well before progressing.

11. DO NOT complain to guys abt your work. suck it in and dun bring extra problems to the guy u love.

12. BE PATIENT TOWARDS HIM.

13. Try to not get so immersed in love and every now and then take a breather to think if anything has changed from wk to wk, and if yes, ask him what caused it and settle it before it escalates.

14. Find out if your guy has any trust issues with you.. tell him you dont need to relate your prior life experiences like a broken recorder. ask him if its ok with him. i personally dont like it when i had to relate everything. its not justified and it made me feel crappy and that he didnt trust me well. never compromise your values and dignity for a guy.

15. dont overlook the problems and things u dont like abt him just cos u are in love.

16. dont meet your guy so often. dont push ur frens out of ur life. go out with them s regular as u were before. dont give up ur social life for him.

17. NEVER LIVE for a guy alone. live for God and for yourself.

remember all these.. and u will never walk down memory lane like this again.. it hurts so bad so remember, avoidance is better than cure. dont let guys break your heart again. make them fight for you.

all the best.

ive moved on, so this blog shall be.. till i meet the guy of my dreams...

im not afraid no one will ever love me again this lifetime, im afraid i will never be able to love anyone ever again

i am so easy to love. i lived my life and i know, when i go to some place new, meet new ppl, i become like a magnet to others. im not boasting or being egoistic, but i know, i do have something likeable in me. i just find it so hard to give my heart to someone, esp someone i cant have feelings for. yes they will keep my heart better than those i love more, but.. i just cant.. give my love away like that.

its been my problem since i was 13. thats why it hurts me so much when the guy of my dreams vanishes in front of my eyes. because i give too much. mama told me not to put so much heart into it, but i fell right in, fell right through...

even though the odds are against me in this situation, even though the world is telling me to get back on my feet and forget the one who cant even keep my heart well, somethings telling me, my soul.. doesnt want to leave this all behind. cos theres no such thing as friends with ex-es. i know it myself. its a fucking scheme to make the breakup sound good.

maybe i will let it go.. i still cant decide. im still waiting for your message, for your phone call. until you do, i will be waiting...